Bradley (Tommie and Margaret's cat) died last week. He had a fairly rapid decline, and in the end, it looked like he was in the final stages of cancer when Tommie and Margaret decided to have him put to sleep.
I may have mentioned before that Lea has always loved cats, and when she goes to Tommie and Margaret's house, she loves to pet Bradley (which Bradley nicely tolerated, although that was about as far as he would go). So, we had to tell her that Bradley wasn't going to be around any more.
Fortunately, Tad had taken a book out of the library called "Desser: The Best Ever Cat," not realizing that it was a story about a little girl whose cat died (the first time he read it, he apparently had to improvise an alternate ending, which just goes to show that you should always read the synopsis of what the book is actually about). So, Saturday morning, I told Lea that Grandma had called on Friday night, and that Bradley had died (she knew he was sick). It took her a while to process all of this, and it was fascinating to watch her thought process. She had to ask, "He died?" several times, then wanted to know when he was "going to be alive again." When I explained that he wasn't going to be alive, she wanted to know why. Finally, I think the permanence set in, and she was a little sad. So I told her that we would always remember Bradley and that he would live on inside us, in our minds (placed a hand on my head) and our hearts (hand on my torso). This seemed to satisfy her, and I was congratulating myself on navigating this tricky developmental issue with aplomb and grace.
Until Lea said: "Now I have Bradley living in my tummy!!!" (Places hand on torso.)
And I realized that "living on inside us" had very different meanings for the two of us.
Lea also colored a big picture of Diego and Baby Jaguar (she said it was Tommie and Bradley), and wrote a note on it for Margaret and Tommie. The note says: Dear Grandma and Tommie- I miss Bradley. Grandma and Tommie miss Bradley. Mommy and Daddy miss Bradley. Lea misses Bradley. [She wanted this reiterated again, because she wanted to see the word "Lea" written instead of just "I."] I like to dance in the room with Bradley. I used to give him his food, but he died and we're sad. I love you. Lea.
And life goes on...
I may have mentioned before that Lea has always loved cats, and when she goes to Tommie and Margaret's house, she loves to pet Bradley (which Bradley nicely tolerated, although that was about as far as he would go). So, we had to tell her that Bradley wasn't going to be around any more.
Fortunately, Tad had taken a book out of the library called "Desser: The Best Ever Cat," not realizing that it was a story about a little girl whose cat died (the first time he read it, he apparently had to improvise an alternate ending, which just goes to show that you should always read the synopsis of what the book is actually about). So, Saturday morning, I told Lea that Grandma had called on Friday night, and that Bradley had died (she knew he was sick). It took her a while to process all of this, and it was fascinating to watch her thought process. She had to ask, "He died?" several times, then wanted to know when he was "going to be alive again." When I explained that he wasn't going to be alive, she wanted to know why. Finally, I think the permanence set in, and she was a little sad. So I told her that we would always remember Bradley and that he would live on inside us, in our minds (placed a hand on my head) and our hearts (hand on my torso). This seemed to satisfy her, and I was congratulating myself on navigating this tricky developmental issue with aplomb and grace.
Until Lea said: "Now I have Bradley living in my tummy!!!" (Places hand on torso.)
And I realized that "living on inside us" had very different meanings for the two of us.
Lea also colored a big picture of Diego and Baby Jaguar (she said it was Tommie and Bradley), and wrote a note on it for Margaret and Tommie. The note says: Dear Grandma and Tommie- I miss Bradley. Grandma and Tommie miss Bradley. Mommy and Daddy miss Bradley. Lea misses Bradley. [She wanted this reiterated again, because she wanted to see the word "Lea" written instead of just "I."] I like to dance in the room with Bradley. I used to give him his food, but he died and we're sad. I love you. Lea.
And life goes on...
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